remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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