um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the day after is always just damage control
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch