I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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