I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Say something about gay babies.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
