I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My cat gives me a boner
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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