Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
