Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
