Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
