oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
