Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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