The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
