Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
