if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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