I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
