I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
