The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
