the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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