And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
