my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
