The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
