We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?