Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly