I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.