Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel