I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies