just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying