At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.