Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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