mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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