the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
