You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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