Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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