you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize