i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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