I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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