She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
