whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
