just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
