considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
