that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
