just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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