apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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