At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
