no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
