I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
