Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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