yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My liver just broke up with me...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
