We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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