I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
