babies were throwing up all over the place
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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