went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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