I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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