Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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