Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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