P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
