I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
