Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
