i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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