duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
