his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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