A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
