plz talk dirty to me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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