it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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