Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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