what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
