these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
