I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
