We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
