she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
