dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
