I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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